Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Serial Killers, Rats, and Food

I was woken up to the violent streak of lightning that broke across the sky lighting up my entire room, and the extremely loud crack of thunder that followed shortly after. My eyes were crusted over, bloodshot, and puffy from the hours of crying about how I’ll never be able to get my life together. I scorned the only man who's ever shown affection for me, Hal, on accident, and now I’m all alone again (naturally), wonderful. I mean who mistakes a flower for a napkin? 

A low bellow came from my stomach followed by a growl that sounded like a cat who doesn’t want you to touch it, or it’ll scratch your eyes out. I haven’t eaten in almost 24 hours now, so I guess that’s only a natural reaction. I can’t even take care of basic needs for survival, like eating, but am I surprised? Not really. I get up to walk to the kitchen and stub my toe on the coffee table. Wonderful, I’m a clust too just add that to my list of reasons not to love, or date me. The light of the fridge washes over dark the kitchen illuminating my face and I’m greeted by an empty fridge, so I check the freezer. A rat falls out of the door of the freezer and scurries over my feet. SHIT. I leap back and fall onto my back screaming bloody murder. It runs into a hole in the wall and I’m surrounded in darkness again. How the hell did a rat survive in the freezer? How long had it been in there? How did it get in there to begin with?

I open the freezer again to find it’s filled with severed rat heads. What the hell. It’s the first night of sleeping in my apartment and I realize the person before me was a serial rat killer. I’m so deeply disturbed that I throw up. The thought of the rats heads, and the awful smell of death filling the kitchen I throw up again, but I decide to clean it up later. I’m still hungry somehow. So I get ready to go to Olive Garden because who wouldn’t want to eat at a restaurant that has your name? Maybe they’ll give me free bread sticks. Searching for my umbrellas I can only find the one with a hole in it, and my rain jacket follows suit with a giant hole that looks like it was chewed in the back. That damn rat. 

I walk to Olive Garden and arrive soaking wet, order a basket of breadsticks and some cream cheese ravioli pasta. They didn’t give me the bread sticks for free, and oddly enough cooked cream cheese with ravioli is super gross. The quintessential stalker song from the 80's comes on the radio in the Olive Garden, "Every step you take. Every move you make. I'll be watching you." and my mind immediately goes to the rat heads in my freezer. While choking down my food I think about finding a new place to live, because who knows what else might be hiding in that apartment. The thought of other severed heads, of animals, or humans, who knows, makes me shudder and the song really isn't helping much. I’m exhausted from the past week, which has been a complete disaster. So, I lay my head down on the table, and before I know it I'm fast asleep. 

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